Defence Force Enlistment Oaths - The true ones!

[Timmeh]

ROYAL AUSTRALIAN AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the ROYAL AUSTRALIAN AIRFORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army and because the NAVY frightens me.

I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our daily volleyball competitions as a valid form of exercise.

I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the Commonwealth, even though I believe myself to be above that.

I promise to walk around (with my Labrador) calling everyone by their first name - because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services.

I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of my - snicker - "basic training", I will be a lean, mean, doughnut eating machine wearing a bus conductor's uniform.

I will believe that I will be superior to all others, and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it.

I will do no work unless someone is watching me, (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day - if I make it to work at all. I consent to never getting promoted - EVER - and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me tomorrow.

So help me God

Signature:____________________________________

Date: ________________________________________




AUSTRALIAN ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the AUSTRALIAN Army because I couldn't score high enough on the enlistment test to get into the Air Force, and the Navy wouldn't take me due to the fact that I'm not tough enough and can't swim.

I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots and I promise to wear my uniform 24 hrs a day even when I am shopping.

I will continue telling myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual harassment, or for the harming of innocent animals.

I acknowledge the fact that I will make Private in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on Physical Training test. After completion of my sexual-er-I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a different Army School once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.

On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to marry my ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay at home, because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better looking Air Force or Navy guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.

Whilst at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished.

I will arrive at work every day at 10:00 hrs because of morning Physical Training and leave every day at 1300 hrs to report back to the "COMPANY".

I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working on the council with my friends from high school, or as a security guard.

So help me God

Signature:________________________________

Date: ____________________________________





ROYAL AUSTRALIAN NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE

I, Nobby, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away twenty years of my life to the Royal Australian Navy because I want to hang out with Criminals without actually having to BE one of them. Also because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate", the Army never washes - and because I thought, "Heh, I like to swim.... Why not?"

I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1914 and to have my name stencilled on the front of every shirt pants I own.

I understand that I will be mistaken for a Mr Whippy ice cream man during the summer and for a member of the Waffen SS during the winter.

I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, bone dome, goffa, Sea Squarie and head" when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, softdrink, Chux and toilet".

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense what ever.

I will muster (what ever that means) at 0800 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930hrs.

I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and not spill a drop.

I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each fiscal year.

So help me Neptune

Signature:__________________________

Date: ____________________________



:monkes:

Tim