EARTHQUAKE ROCKS FRANKSTON (Vic)

[LTDHO]

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre in Frankston

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering, "F**kin ell"and "Whadda Bastard". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Commodore Appreciation* Society and the Frankston Progress Hall were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheques arrived.

Frankston Radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the area.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a* F**ken shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my* bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm
slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer the next morning".


Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 1000 cartons of Horizon Virginias to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still* searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, flannelette shirts, jewellery* from Priceline and bone china from* the $2 Shop.