Buck's night fallout

Bloody hell tell her how can I trust what you say to me if your going to be like this!

[robs_ls1]

If it were me, I'd stop ringing and visiting her. It'll be hard, but she'll come around.

[F6T]

I'll start by saying that there are absolutely no trust issues between us at all. period.

I knew that she was going to be sensitive to the issue because the first time she asked me whether or not I had ever been to a strip club I told her no. Later on, some months down the track I told her that I had in fact been to 2. Once when we were together and once before we were together. So from that point on, she has been hyper sensitive to the topic. I knew this was going to be a sensitive issue, so I wrote the following to my best man:-

"on a serious note, there can be absolutely no stripper or stip clubs as part of the evening. I don't want one and if she ever found out anything like that it would be curtains.

I'm deadly serious about this. I don't want to go through all the heartache of it just before our wedding/honeymoon for something that I don't want. I just don't want to spoil anything - it is really important to me. can you do this for me??

You need to understand that through my own dishonesty in the past, I have seriously shat my nest re: strip clubs.

just don't do it to me....for God's sake please. I'm really just after a good night with all of my mates - a dirty big steak and plenty of grog to see us through - if others want to head down the street to the MG then that's their business. hope you understand mate.


The response was:-

Point taken. If that's what you want then that's what you shall get mate. But as you are my best mate here are my two bobs worth in point form...

- I have very different views on this...I'd ditch my girl if she got upset by me going to a strip club on my bucks or any other mates bucks night...before she had a chance to ditch me!!!!! haha

- They are just crass, sleazy joints and the women are doing their jobs and it's all about having a laugh. There is zero chance you are going to pick them up and I think this needs to be put into perspective. I'd be wwwwaaaayyyy more worried about my partner going to a pub or night club where blokes would be hitting on them, or work based relationships where they actually have a chance of getting it on...besides, when was the last time you heard of someone cheating on their partner with a stripper from a bucks night....

- You know your relationship better than anyone else, and if it would lead to a bust up then we'll all respect that.

- Probably means we'll now work harder in finding other ways to humiliate you on the night though.... :-)

When I told her that everyone knew that I didn't want to go to a strip club because it would upset her, she felt like she was going to be seen as the "kill joy" or the 'ball breaker' so she wrote me this:- (Just a quote - I won't show the whole thing)

if you're honest with me then it doesn't matter what happens because I trust you and I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I wnat you to have the best bucks night ever, because you will never be having another one! So go as crazy as you want.

This is why I feel a bit like I was baited.

Anyway, I just met her for lunch. Seems as if she has completely gotten over it. We went to get me fitted up for my wedding suit. When she saw me in it, she burst into tears, hugged me and told me that she loved me more than anything and she was sorry for the way she had acted. I didn't have to say anything.

What a girl.
:

thanks for all your advice and I hope this thread is a help to anyone else out there in this situation. Just be honest.

Peace.

[colossus]

wow, how emo

[XR06T]

congrats..

good to hear she's all sorted champ.
best of luck with it all!

ps this thread has been a pretty good read, some good advice!

[robs_ls1]

Originally Posted by madxh96

Anyway, I just met her for lunch. Seems as if she has completely gotten over it. We went to get me fitted up for my wedding suit. When she saw me in it, she burst into tears, hugged me and told me that she loved me more than anything and she was sorry for the way she had acted. I didn't have to say anything.

Wait until your first post-wedding argument. Guess what's coming.... :

Nah, just jivin' ya. Your marriage is what you make it. I've only been married for a few years, but I've got it sussed... ;) .

Here is my advice:

1. Make the bed. As trivial and pathetic as it sounds to a bloke, trust me, you'll never fight if you do this. Doing the dishes gives you bonus points too.

2. Smile, nod and say "Yes, dear..."

[F6T]

Or as my dad has said to me:-

In every relationship there needs to be a smart one and a dumb one. And sometimes, you need to be smart enough to be the dumb one.

[fiery]

Originally Posted by madxh96

Anyway, I just met her for lunch. Seems as if she has completely gotten over it. We went to get me fitted up for my wedding suit. When she saw me in it, she burst into tears, hugged me and told me that she loved me more than anything and she was sorry for the way she had acted. I didn't have to say anything.

What a girl.
:
.

That is fantastic that its sorted and very sweet too...
Good luck to you both on your wedding day and wish you many many years of happiness.
Life is full of ups and downs but it is an amazing roller coaster ride if you are taking it with someone you love and that person loves you back.

Congratulations (you now realise we all expect pictures from your wedding day to be posted )

[F6T]

Thanks everyone for the well wishes.

I was thinking that maybe I should post up a couple of picks from the night.

I arrived home from work that night to a blond wig, pink boob tube and undies and the door step with a note saying "wear this b*tch". HAha

they're right you know.....blonds do have more fun!

[Mi$$awsome4.0]

thats great to hear, least you worked it out, not many chicks posted on this subject, and my advice for any future references would be to be honest and upfront. That way you can work out your differences before the date and set boundaries that you both can follow. i would rather my other half be open and honest with me whether or not it hurts, rather than having S*** done behind my back , find out years down the track and be even more hurt and lose all my trust in him.

I have been engaged for coming up to 4 years now, and being a woman and i know many will comment, i would prefer my partner not to go to the strippers if he were to have a bucks night.. 1 reason is he'd mainly only have himself to go with, lol and the other being that i dont really like those places... no i dont think hes gonna go and Screw some stripper on the floor or in front of everyone, i just dont like the idea of some other chic hangin her bits and pieces out in front of my guy.. Which im sure when guys picture their women with mens doodles in front of their faces, its not always appealing either.. I cant say on a hens night i would wanna see men strippers... in fact id rather go and watch the women, or watch them together..Its not the last slice of bread a person will ever have in their life, they dont need to go mental just cuz they think that they are married and will be with that person forever..therfor will never experience it again.
my other half has been to them which is fine, he wasnt with me at the time, and if he ever wants to go to them in the future we will go together as something kinky or he can visit those places when hes single again should that happen. He knows i dont like those places and he respects that, as i would if the shoe was on the other foot.

My thoughts if you ever have this problem as a married couple and shes uncomfortable is to instead suggest she goes with you, so she can see theres no harm, or buy a dvd of something raunchy and watch it and share the fun together!!

yeah most men will disagree with me on this post, but i have a line my partner knows not to cross it, and i know his lines as well..

From a womans view,, women DONT TRUST WOMEN most of the time, because we know how underhanded sneaky manipulative and naughty ourselves , we sometimes can be.. hence the fact of why this situation makes some women uncomfortable.. just like the thought of another guy getting it on with your missus gets you steamed up..!
we dont like other woman naked in front of our men.. why?? how do we know what your thinking? how do we wanna know what you wanna do to her.?? we dont .. thats what gets up our nose.. just like you imagining a guy .. with your girl... Oh and trust..yeah people can have it or not have it, i can pledge i will always be good, but do i really know that i can trust myself in that situation?? i would like to think so yes.. but HEY there are people out there that do s*** right.. thats why theres failed marriages,, failed relasionships.. COMMUNICATION is the only way that things arent gonna go to hell .. if you dont communicate, you wont know what the problems are when they arise and how to deal with them.. talk to your girl, get her views compromise, something that has to be done a lot of the time, then deal with it get over it or move on.. thats all than can be done.. relasionships are about 50% effort on both partners behalf..

good luck, i am hoping i will not have those pre wedding dilemmas, my idea of fun is a huge party with all our friends and the people we care about, not a distastful event that will only end in tears

ALL the best mate sorry to sound like DR PHIL but from a womans point, since a lot of the time yous guys can miss it..

[Bucknaked]

Strippers are a lot like cars. Why take a new GT40 out for a spin, when the good old reliable Dato is at home safely parked away.

[Scott]

Originally Posted by madxh96

she was sorry for the way she had acted. I didn't have to say anything.

Ooooh, she dug out of that one!

[rodderz]

lol... I'm getting hitched mid year and I've been given the green light for whatever on my bucks do, whether there be strippers or not.

But if there's a lesson to be learned about weddings, let the woman organise everything... the amount of fuss they go to and organising little bloody things to be put on tables, flowers, lollies and all that crap has got me stuffed. As long as there's plenty of grog, a live band and a couple of stangs out front taking me to and from the reception, I dont care what happens!

[Mechan1k]

Been there done that ... got Married last September.
there's so much crap involved in it ... the wife now realises we should have eloped and had one hell of a holiday and spent more money on the house instead of $35,000-odd for just over half a day.

[rodderz]

$35G's...jeez no sheila is worth that much! lol

My fiance's brother is spending more money on his wedding with 13 people (immediate family only) than we are with 100!

[adrianb]

Glad its sorted out but dont see why its an issue in the first place.

If I'm goin to a titty bar with mates I tell my missus or if a nite on the turps ends up there i tell her what we did. If she ever wants to go to a male strip place i have no problems - its good harmless fun. I've taken her to a strip club before and bought her a lap dance.

I dont see why the big fuss unless theres some kinda trust issue in the first place.

[MNM96]

Remove your nuts from her handbag BEFORE THE WEDDING!, and never let her take them from you!

[Martyvan]

Originally Posted by Mechan1k

Been there done that ... got Married last September.
there's so much crap involved in it ... the wife now realises we should have eloped and had one hell of a holiday and spent more money on the house instead of $35,000-odd for just over half a day.

My Thought precisely.....


At least you guys didnt end up with a 10kg ball and chain attached to your ankle. I got booted out of one pub for scratching their polished floorboards.....! Never mine the 40 people who had spent on average $60 on grog already.....

[BA_BOSS]

Only one word comes to mind WOMEN!!

[rigs]

Bucks night = Prague
Well worth it.

[STK-XR8]

glad its all worked out,
i must say im very lucky my now wife of 3yrs organised my bucks night about 30 mates crown casino then spearmint rhino strip club best part was the x- boss paid for everything not that i remember much apart from the following day wondering why my a$$ cheek was sore and had a belt mark across it must been those two blondes on the main stage its all hazely coming back ,

from what i have learnt after these years of b/f- g/f then engage then married total 16 yrs you have to learn to give and take ,never had an major issuses both enjoy cars its in her blood line anyway and im just a male so its automatical in my blood but must say its all been smooth sailing .

good luck .

[The Dok]

Originally Posted by madxh96

[I]Point taken. If that's what you want then that's what you shall get mate. But as you are my best mate here are my two bobs worth in point form...

- I have very different views on this...I'd ditch my girl if she got upset by me going to a strip club on my bucks or any other mates bucks night...before she had a chance to ditch me!!!!! haha

Peace.

Sounds like a great mate you have there, however, I do sense a "mate v missus clash" sometime in the future, I've seen it many times so keep that in mind. It's still not too late to bail, refer back to my PM a few weeks ago......:
Best of luck to you whatever you decide though. :

[JC]

Originally Posted by RATT

She'll get over it.

Yep. Or not. And if not, there's plenty of other girls out there.

[Rodp]

Originally Posted by madxh96

so I had my buck's night on friday night. still feeling ordinary today but managed to keep my eyebrows intact.

got dragged into a strip club for a public humiliation, violation, denigration, emasculation etc (as you do!). The thing is, is that I got the OK from my fiancee to go to a strip club if that was on the agenda (bear in mind that I had no idea whatsoever of what was instore for me). The deal was that she would be OK with this so long as I provided her with all the details. :

I've got to agree with the balls in the handbag reply myself.

I was best man for my best mates wedding about 5 years ago now. It was an all weekender. Friday night was a party at his place with his family which was broken up by the cops at about 2am. Most of his family went home so we kicked on at a club till about 8am. Got home at 10am.

****ed as newts, crash and 10:30 his missus calls wanting to see him because she won't get to see him all weekend. Tell him that if he goes (particularly in his state and he had to drive) he's as good as castrated. He goes.

2nd night into the cross, went to every strip club and at least a dozen lap dances, one of the girls actually offers to get more friendly with him for no charge! Everyone egging him to do it, he asks me whether he should and I told him, will you regret it in the morning, he said yes so I said, there's your answer. He stayed strong. Get home 3am because we're still pretty wrecked from the night before.

8am that morning, she calls again!! Off he goes.

1pm, bbq at his place to wind down and a few more daytime strippers. He gets back at 3pm after spending the last 5 hours being told off.

5 years of marriage, 2 kids, if he's lucky he'll get a tap on the shoulder once every few months and he's on an extremely short leash. He works copious amounts of overtime because it beats going home and being nagged to death.

It's a bucks night, the last night you'll ever get to have fun before you go to your funer.. err, wedding. Well, until the party after the divorce. If you haven't had a strange girls bare **** stuck in your face on your bucks night then you've just negated the reason why men actually get married! If it were me and I was played like that, I'd have serious doubts as to whether this is the woman I would be planning to spend my life with because things will only get worse after the ring is on the finger.

Funniest one was a 2 day bucks (attended the 1st day) where on the Sat the groom, wedding party and the brides father flew to Melbourne and spent the day at a brothel!

[F6T]

Originally Posted by The Dok

Sounds like a great mate you have there, however, I do sense a "mate v missus clash" sometime in the future, I've seen it many times so keep that in mind. It's still not too late to bail, refer back to my PM a few weeks ago......:
Best of luck to you whatever you decide though. :

G'day Dok....you couldn't be more right. My best man and finance HATE each other - especially after all this cr*p. My opinion on this is that my best mate doesn't have to like my wife. that's my job. You can't make everyone see eye-to-eye on everything. At least I will never have to worry about the 2 of them running off together!!! I don't see his dislike for her as a warning bell - he's the only one in our lives that has a problem with her bcoz they go off on the wrong foot. One day they will bury the hatchet I'm sure.

At the end of the day, she has apologised for her behaviour and appears now to have completely gotten over it.

To top it all off, last night she suggested that maybe we should go to one together!!

Sounds like she has just been acting out of a bit of jealousy, made a poor decision, has seen her ways, said she was sorry and gotten on with it.

She's my girl for sure.

Rodp, sounds like you have had some blinders in your time!! ROFL about the bride's father spending the day at the Brothel!

[new2ford]

Originally Posted by rigs

Bucks night = Prague
Well worth it.

Marrying a Czech girl - even more worth it!

[new2ford]

Phew! glad it all worked out madxh96. In years ahead this will seem just a little blip back on the horizon. Now send this thread off to Mills and Boon and make some money out of it to help get you going!

[F6T]

toyed with the idea of sending the thread to her.... :togo:

bad move I reckon. specially now that things are ironed out.

Will be interesting to see whether or not she drags it up in future arguments. now that is something that would test my patience.

What will be really interesting is whether or not she will allow me to take my best man out to a strip club on HIS buck's night!!

that will be the tester. imagine how that would go down with my best mate considering how much they already dislike each other!!

fun and games

[Mark351]

Originally Posted by madxh96

To top it all off, last night she suggested that maybe we should go to one together!!

Do it, and pay for her to get a lapdance if she's keen. Take your mate, it might help the two bond a little bit. If you take her, it will certainly reduce the chances of it being an issue down the road.

[Go baby Go]

Firstly, glad it's all worked out!!!!! :

I thought I'd add another chick's point of view.....

Married for 5 yrs, and when we did the bucks/hens night thing, I couldn't give a flying fat rats freckle what the boy did on his night out...... and I know the feeling is mutual. He hasn't asked, isn't likely to, but if he felt the need i have no hesitation in telling him what happened - and anyway what's this "permission" stuff???????????????????????
Please........ you aren't marrying your high school principal are you? It's called being open and honesty......


Two things........ one yes it's a trust issue, but trying to organise a wedding can take a lot outta some girls and they don't cope well at all (we all have bad days and heaven help you for even BREATHING when we do.... :hihi: )....... still that being said, I'm glad she apologised for being outta line (as we all should) and didn't give the rest of us a bad name....anyone that's willing to stand up and say "yep I was wrong" after giving you a colder shoulder than the Ice Queen in Narnia is a better person than most..........

Second, your mate should know better... regardless of whether he agreed with your opinion, he should be man enough to accept it... whether you wanted to go roller skating in pink tutu's with the local chess club OR in fact hit the strippers big time, then as a mate he should accept that..... he didn't respect your wishes and he owes you a hell of a lot more than a beer or two..................