Advice Please....

[Duke]

Fun turns REAL ugly REAL quick when folks get caught.

It's a lesson I should have learned many years ago - but I didn't - Sometimes I've been caught - sometimes I haven't.

Fantastic memories - terrific stories - sometimes I just sit and think about what I've done - and SMILE !

[MrEL]

It is all fair game if you dont know the respective other half.

[troppo]

Knowing the other half and counting them as mates are two different things...especially in the smaller towns. Sounds bad but there it is.
On the other hand, things like this are a very good reason to closely examine and possibly reduce your list of mates. The bonus is it allows you to spend more time with the ones who deserve your company.
IMO a true mate would knock back any approach by another mates mrs and even let him know. Likewise, a true mrs would knock back any advances from the BF's 'mates' and let him know. Anything less is untrustworhty to some degree.

And yeah Duke, this is one block I've been around too.

[BFYOOT]

problem is mate, even if you do stay with her, you will never trust her fully again. every message she gets, you'll be wondering who it is. even if future messages are innocent, they never will be in your mind. get out while you can........

[ea90gl]

not sure if this has been mentioned but one thing Ive noticed girls will often do once sprung for doing the wrong thing is they turn the water works on and try come up with some bogus thing that YOU have done wrong to make you look like the bad one and get the attention off her, and if they know you are easily manipulated they will not stop until you run off with your tail between your legs. Im not saying this is going on but just beware of this behaviour and make sure she gets it (if proven guilty). Both larry and your GF have no respect and people that dont have respect dont deserve anyones time of day, provided they are guilty P!ss both of them off. It might take a while to get over things but in the long run you will be very happy with your self and you will be stronger after everything. And just remember mate these sort of shenanigans happens to everyone so dont ever feel alone

[Ringo]

What is harder to replace - your mate or your girlfriend?

Tell Larry she has warts.....who cares if its true...but he'll think your a top mate for saving him from getting them.

Get a copy of "solitary man" by Neil Diamond and a bottle of bourbon and make friends with your couch.

Good luck man.....there are gems out there...she just isn't one

[Bent8]

Hmm, what about pretending you're Larry and sending her a naughty text message...of course making sure caller ID is off...

If it turns out she is having it off with Larry, tell her to meet you somewhere and when she turns up, end the relationship then & there in style.

BUT there is a chance it could backfire if they really are just good friend's and you're being paranoid. :togo:

My guess is she is most likely playing around...but I hope I'm wrong.

[pauljh74]

Originally Posted by stockoau

How is it worse for her to let him crack onto her? Mates shouldn't pull acts like that, neither is worse then the other. The only time it is ok to make a move on a bird that is taken is if you don't know her other half.

She's seeing 2 guys (it appears) and both guys only want one. She's cheating on her partner, the others aren't. If a guy did similar (two timing) then he'd be dirt. If she wants "Larry", she should ditch one and keep the other, not string 2 guys along.

Originally Posted by Ringo

Tell Larry she has warts.....who cares if its true...but he'll think your a top mate for saving him from getting them.

Just hand him a tube of ointment or something and say he might need it.

[[Tonko]]

Just been through a very similar thing myself...
Got drunk with him, started talking about the ''good old days'' so he thought we were best mates etc...

Then women... asked what he thought of the missus, and he said they dont talk much etc...
Thats when i knew...

Moral of the rant:
Guys love telling stories and when theyre drunk and 'feel' safe, they trip up and forget what they have already told you...

[Doogstar]

What's that 70's song by Dr Hook I think?
"If you're in love with a beautiful woman, you gotta watch your friends"
It was true is the 70's and still true now.

But don't hit your mate, it may not be entirely his fault and it won't make you feel better about it all.

Confront them and say you just want some honesty, if they confirm your suspicions, get up and walk away and never have contact with either of them ever again. They're relationship will be doomed after that, once a cheater always a cheater.

Although it may be hard to believe now, you will recover from this and hopefully meet a girl who will deserve your trust and love.

Anyway, I hope you get this sorted one way or another, as being unsure is painful.

[svo347]

Originally Posted by Bent8

Hmm, what about pretending you're Larry and sending her a naughty text message...of course making sure caller ID is off...

If it turns out she is having it off with Larry, tell her to meet you somewhere and when she turns up, end the relationship then & there in style.

BUT there is a chance it could backfire if they really are just good friend's and you're being paranoid. :togo:

My guess is she is most likely playing around...but I hope I'm wrong.

wont work bud.. you cant hide your # when texting.. Only when you make an actual call.

[Geez Louise]

You know...this thread is an eye opener into how guys think! As a woman...I find all the comments so intreging....WOW! Let's hope I never have to go through the whole...is hubby cheating or not!!

Cheers guys for the enlightenment into the whole "textual" bit

Best watch my sms!!!

Col

[montyv8]

I saw this movie once, had the following conversation..
"dude, dump her. but, before you do, **** her like a $2 , do the freakiest ever to that , then, just before the money shot, call her another chicks name"

:hihi:

[Feathers]

Stuff like that makes me ashamed to be a female sometimes.

We're not all like that though!! You'll find a much better girl than her!!

[montyv8]

Originally Posted by Feathers

We're not all like that though!! You'll find a much better girl than her!!

and a better mate too

[FlipXW]

I honestly hope it doesnt come to this, and if it does i feel for you mate. Been there myself :.
If you find out larry has been doing the dirty than lay him the $%^* out. Then dump your missus in style. If stuff has been going on between them under your nose than they dont deserve you at all, and should go get %$$^^& for all you should care. If you really love her i hope she feels the same about you and it was all just a big misunderstanding, but form here it certainly doesnt look good.

[Geez Louise]

Originally Posted by Feathers

Stuff like that makes me ashamed to be a female sometimes.

We're not all like that though!! You'll find a much better girl than her!!

Agreed! We are all not like that!!! Flattery is a girls best friend....wish someone would flatter me!!!

[Falc'man]

I do have advice on what you can do in this situation, but it may not make sense to you.


But here's the advice on how to prevent it in the future...

Originally Posted by XR6_661

Now, I knew that my girlfriend and larry started becoming pretty good friends,

Next time you will know that there is no such thing as "friends" between you partner and your own brother let alone a mate.




Troppo I like your post.

Originally Posted by troppo

Knowing the other half and counting them as mates are two different things...especially in the smaller towns. Sounds bad but there it is.
On the other hand, things like this are a very good reason to closely examine and possibly reduce your list of mates. The bonus is it allows you to spend more time with the ones who deserve your company.

Spot on.

Originally Posted by troppo

IMO a true mate would knock back any approach by another mates mrs and even let him know. Likewise, a true mrs would knock back any advances from the BF's 'mates' and let him know. Anything less is untrustworhty to some degree.

And spot on. In fact, my mates and I avoid any communication with each other's partners for the above reason(s).

[[Tonko]]

Originally Posted by Geez Louise

Agreed! We are all not like that!!! Flattery is a girls best friend....wish someone would flatter me!!!

Your still online at 2am, go wake up the old boy, he might 'flatter' you!

[5tumpy]

Originally Posted by XR6_661

Well.......

Just had a phone call from a very upset girlfriend...As in sad upset...

She said she was just trying to organise drinks and stuff on the weekend and was organising to get me a gold necklace as a suprise for me...And larry had been asking her about another chick, and what to do cause he likes her....

And the way she was on the phone...I'm pretty sure it's legitimate.

Boy do I feel like an .

Mate, I know you want to believe her, but that sounds like total BS to me!

I went through a similar thing early in the relationship with my wife, we were both 18, she was a bit naive, and my "best mate" had it in for me because he thought I had a hand in breaking his last gf and him up (She was a very good friend of mine before they started dating, I introduced them, then the guy went all funny on her, started pushing her away, I spent a lot of time talking to her, trying to convince her to sit it out with him, as he had other stuff going on in his life at that time, he thought I was trying to convince her to dump him and go out with me). Anyway, so the guy lavishes attention on my missus, they sneak around behind my back doing stuff that were date-type situations (movies etc...) without me knowing... I ended up catching them purely by chance, rocked up unannounced at her place one night to find him having dinner with her family after telling me he'd met a girl and was taking her out... Long story short, he got hospitalised, I very nearly went to jail (luckily his parents liked me and saw it for the dog-act that it was and talked him out of pressing charges). I gave my missus an ultimatum, me or him, and it turned out she had no feelings for him whatsoever, she just liked the attention... So she chose me... It took nearly a year for her to gain my trust again, and I am the first to admit I still get paranoid at times, but the bottom line was, she could have had him, and she chose me.

So my advise is simple... Sit her down, talk to her, tell her that it's gotten to the stage where you can't take the BS anymore, she needs to make a decision, if there's nothing there, it'll be an easy one, if there is something there, she'll need time to think... If she needs time to think, then so do you! Decide whether you can trust her again, as obviously she was at least having feelings for another bloke, because if she didn't, she'd kick him to curb straight away... Decide if she's worth it, if she is and you think you can trust her again, and she comes back to you, take her back... If you decide she's not worth it or you can't trust her, get some of your own back, and don't tell her that until she makes her decision, if she chooses Larry, you know you made the right choice, if she chooses you, and you've decided to get rid of her, you've got the added satisfaction of telling Larry that she begged to stay with you, as well as dumping the "female dog".

One thing I will say for you though, that I don't think you have a choice on, is DO NOT use violence, you do stupid thing when you're angry, I took to my ex-friend with a baseball bat and got myself arrested for GBH, I tell you mate, I've never been as scared in my whole life, for 5 mins rage I nearly went away for 5 years... It wouldn't have been worth it!

Either way, no matter what your history with Larry, him off, you don't need mates who sneak around with your girlfriends, people like him are nothing but trouble!

[sleekism]

One thing that 5tumpy has raised and that I would also like to point out is that a lot of the time girls love the attention and don't neccesarily know they are being cracked on to.

I have had issues where guys have been texting my mrs etc. and my mrs thinks they are just being "friends". Now I know that the only time a guy is interested in what a girl has to say when he is not going out with her is because he wants some.

The mistake I made was that I got angry with my mrs about the texting and all this did was push them closer together but lucky he blurted everything out too soon. What helps most is if your ripped and then you can throw on a singlet and confront them face to face or if you have good mates than a car full of blokes with baseball bats should do the trick.

I have had a mate get too close to my mrs and me and a few mates spend the rest of the night punching him the wedding tackle every five minutes every time he forgot to block himself and picking him up and dropping him. Kinda makes the message clear without resorting to a fist fight and plus it shows the mrs who the alpha male is.

But really violence is probably not the best thing. Imagine how peeved you are if your in jail and your ex is with your mate on the outside.

Do you have any hot girl friends?? The kind that would make your mrs self conscious?? Become really good friends with thema and text and talk with them all the time and see how that pans out.

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Geez Louise

Agreed! We are all not like that!!! Flattery is a girls best friend....wish someone would flatter me!!!

Come here darling, I'll flatten you...

Oh sorry, I read that wrong....

[XR6_661]

Well guys,

Here is how It went down.

Rang them both up, and said alright, we are gonna go bowling tonight and have a few drinks...Invited another friend as well.

We were all there, had a chat with them, asked them what the go was. Larry said that he was just talking to her about this chick he likes because my girlfriend knows her pretty well or something, so he was getting advice from her. He also said about the necklace thing, etc but seemed a bit weird about the whole thing. My girlfriend kept with the same story of the suprise, drinks & advice for larry.

Now the weird part is, somehow the going price for having suspision (with due cause I might add) is to have it all turned around back on myself. Saying that I should apologise to Larry and it was wrong of me, etc etc. To which I said, anyone in my position would have felt the same way, it's human nature, call it a hunch call it whatever, I know something is going on. And apprently I'm not a very good mate either cause I suspected him. Also, I asked the advice of another mate, Travis, who then blatently told larry that I had twigged something was going on.

SO last night didn't really get me too far. And to say the least, me and my baby made a very impressive exit departing the bowling alley. Managed to throw the car across both lanes of the road sideways in a huge trail of smoke. Made me feel better.

I'm seeing the missus at 2ish, and we have both agreed we are going to sort this crap out. The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is being genuine about the whole thing and it seems to me that Larry is the cause here...I could be wrong though.

I'd just end it all kind of thing, but I really can't just drop these things without knowing the full story. I'll see it right through.

[Bosman]

Mate....grab the phone and read the damn messages! Your gettin burnt....period. Textin about one of her friends?...come on. Maybe 5 or 10 texts, but heaps like youve pointed out........ding ding ding punch on! ing_sm Go in hard son!

[scoupedy]

I would straight out ask larry why he is texting your GF non stop, do it in front of your GF when she tries to defend him tell her she's dumped and then tell larry he can off too if he is more interested in your GF then see what they say.

[Bobman]

Hey mate.

There really is no reason for her to be turning her phone away or using excuses to say who it is. Not even if this supposed story of 'Larry' liking one of her friends. It's too far-fetched. This is the behaviour of people who are hiding something negative from you.

You sound like a top guy, so you'd probably be better off without them both (as has been said in here). Don't let her walk over you.

After 10 months and this happening, the chances of her doing similar things again are quite possible.

Genuine girls are hard to find, but I'm lucky I've got mine. Experiences in the past, like what you're going through has made me convert some friendships to acquaintances and things are better off that way. I hang out with her group of friends rather than she hang out with mine. Works well.

Good luck.

[FlipXW]

Grab the phone and read those damn messages.

[1970XW351]

I went through something the same as this a few years back with an ex mrs... we were having a bit of trouble at the time and a so called "mate" started talking to her and trying to console her... she bought into it and before I knew it he was all in for her. Eventually though, she and I worked out what was going on and told him to get well and truly F%^*$d... didn't come to blows, but at least I don't see him any more. Wiped like a dirty Ar$e.
All I'll say is trust your gut instinct mate, if one part doesn't add up, cut the cord. Whether it be that you think he's the one making the moves, or her, or both of them, get a feeling for what the truth is and act on it. Don't live in suspiscion and misery over it. (I know it's hard when you obviously love her as you seem to, but if she's going to do this to you then she ain't worth it.)

[pauljh74]

Next time you see the GF, ask to see the messages from Larry - right then and there. If all this stuff going on is giving advice and organising a surprise, then she'll show you the messages from him as she has nothing to hide. If it's more than that, it's likely she will flat out refuse. If she wants your trust - this is one way of getting it.

If she won't show you the messages, then you'll continue wondering if something is going on and you're heading down a road to Splitsville.

If she was giving advice to Larry about a girl - when she was texting him in your presence, she would have said "It's Larry, he's interested in my friend and I'm helping him out."

[Shaggzy]

Originally Posted by montyv8

I saw this movie once, had the following conversation..
"dude, dump her. but, before you do, **** her like a $2 , do the freakiest ever to that , then, just before the money shot, call her another chicks name"

:hihi:

That is gold im going to remember that incase i ever need to use it.

Hope everything works out for you mate iv been through the same but it worked out all good in the end!!