Advice Please....

[XR6_661]

I think it must have been a year ago to this date I had problems with another girlfriend.

Now I'm calling on my ford family to offer me some advice with a problem I am having at the moment. No matter how lame or stupid it may seem, please, it's a serious thing for me. So if you don't have anything constructive to say, don't say anything.

Over the last few months, me and my girlfriend have been having BBQs, etc with a group of our friends, one of which is my best mate, let's call him 'Larry' for this.

Now, I knew that my girlfriend and larry started becoming pretty good friends, ya know, I'm cool with that! We all need friends right? Anyways, this past sunday, I was with her, all she did was clutch onto her phone all day, texting. She would angle the phone away from me when she was texting as if to hide the screen for me, and I caught a glimpse of her inbox, it was filled with messages from larry...like a huge amount of messages. And she wasn't like texting every hour or so, it was every 5-10mins she'd get a text and reply. Ok, so I got a bit suss about that...Kept on asking her who she was texting, "oh, just texting Jodie." or "Just texting Lisa." Which I know she wouldn't have been because one of those girls was away and the other one was at work.

Next time I saw her was tuesday afternoon, Walk into her house and up to her room, caught her by suprise and she was on msn, I could see the screen and she was talking to larry, she very very quickly typed something to him, and closed the convo but didn't close msn...I thought fair enough, maybe she just said I'll be right back or something...BUT she continued to talk to 3 other people on msn while I was there....Larry's convo didn't pop up again at all. No later than 5 minutes after I saw her rush to close his convo, her phone goes off, I catch a glimpse and it was a message from larry. I didn't see what it said...Dropped her off to work that afternoon and that was that.

Saw her again last night for the whole late night shopping thing. Get to her place, and once again, she is texting turning the screen away from me. I ask who she is texting politely and she just says "oh oh Jodie." I just ok and left it at that. Anyways, we were driving into town and she had her phone out, I said, "ya still texting?" and she said 'oh no, just looking in my phone'. I could clearly see the message screen was up and at the top it said the recipient was larry. I just didn't say anything. The whole night she seemed a bit off...just really jumpy and on edge. Then when we are going home she says, 'Oh, larry said no bbq on this weekend' Which is highly unusual, because he always always texts me stuff like that, and only me. We've been friends since grade 6 after all. I said ah ok, fair enough. So the next 30mins she spent on her phone texting, who else but larry.

Anyways, we get back to hers at about 9. First thing she does is get her laptop out. While she is on the laptop, I calmly grab her phone and start to look at it, she quickly snatches it off me and I said, 'Aren't I allowed to look at your new phone?' To which I got no reply....I say to her, 'ah well, it's getting a bit late, I better go home.' I get up and go to give her a hug and a kiss, and msn goes off, she quickly jumps to the comp, I look over and it's a convo with larry, she closes it very quickly, puts her hand on my back, and practically pushes me out of the room...

I kept on dropping big hints to her last night when I got home that I was worried something was up, kept on asking her if there was anything on her mind. Apprently she says all is well, etc etc. And it's also just really little things as well...like she always says, 'oh whats larry up to.' or 'are we going to larry's this week?'
Even on saturday night, I offered to take her to a 5 star resturant, go for a walk on the beach or see a movie or something, then go back to mine and have a night together, just the two of us. Reason also being it was our 10 months on saturday...She got angry and turned down my offer, and said she wanted to go drinking at larry's instead. There is also the 'usual' protectiveness of the phone and all that...

Please someone give me some advice...It's eating me up pretty bad. Not just the fact that it's suss, and it seems like something is going on, but the fact that it could possibly be something with my childhood friend. Eventually, I think I'm just going to have to approach both of them and tell them how I feel, etc, and if there IS anything going on, to tell me. I just wanna cover all my bases first though...Do you guys think what I said above is reason enough to be worried??

She means the world to me this girl, I really hope I'm just being paranoid.

Thanks a heap guys..

[Geez Louise]

Ummm....yeah!! I think there is definately something suss there my friend. If you have known this guy since 6th grade...ASK HIM! If he is a mate (of any kind) he will be honest!

And as for your relationship with your girlfriend...communication is the key so ask her outright too! It has been under a year right?? So not too much time invested and hopefully you have had some fun along the way...so cut ya losses and move on.

Plenty more fish in the sea

Best of luck!

[gozza]

Tell her she can have Larry
Knock Larry the out and move on

I hate deceitful people....Sneaky lying decepticons ....Even if nothing is going on intimately between them - theres already suspicion and lies....

Hes a weak mate who needs to be punch...who knows that might wake him up and make you better friends.....Ditch the girl

[manny_papa]

I'd kick larry's , his number is on your girlfriends phone. ask him about that, if he doesnt give you the answer you need, just tell him to f-off, he isnt a mate.

[Charliewool]

NO way are you being paranoid mate! In fact sounds like you've shown heaps of restraint. It's happening right under your nose and sounds like she's on the way out the door?
Methinks, suggest a threesome. : Great way to stay mates with your longtime buddy, and could even turn into something ongoing? :

[Duke]

Mate, I feel ya pain.
Here's my take...
She could be getting a bit of an ego boost from things being said via the text - they're very likely sexual in nature and whilst nothing physical is happening yet, the likelyhood that it will, is high.

You've played it very cool so far - well done.

From here, if you want to keep the girl (?) then target the mate. Send him a text, something a little bit vague or with a double meaning. this'll undoubtedly scare the crap out of him, possibly enough to scare him away. He may be a godo friend and may also be just getting an ego boost from being "textual" with your Mrs.
Your message to him might be along the lines of...
"Larry, saw *mrs name* phone msg's. BBQ off is it?"
Be terse, short, ambiguous, not angry or friendly. This'll make his heart skip a beat or two thinking "oh oh, have I been caught"

Also, try a message that hints at the MSn activity - such as - "Larry, isn't MSN a wonderful thing?" and leave it at that - again, he'll crap himself I reckon.

IMO you have to get to the bloke sending the msg's and let him know you'r eonto him without fronting him and see how that works out...

Of course the other course of action and my preferred method is to knock on his door and ask him outside or take him for a short drive with you - nothing scares the doodads out of a guy more than being stuck in the same place as the bloke he's been caught trying to undermine. A quick grab around the windpipe with a few not so gentle squeezes while you explain mateship to him will be enough.

Lastly, if you've had enough - get them both together in a room or at a future BBQ and tell them both to go to hell and walk out - see who chases you.

hope this is of some help mate, but I've been there and done that -
My temper gets the best of me, but you shouldn't allow that to happen, as long as you remain calm and thoughtful, you'll will - one way or the other.

best of luck.

[WindsorXR]

Hey man, Definately something to be worried about. But also, something else to think off. Is there anything that those two could be working out for an anvirsery or birthday.
If not than i think you should just come straight out and ask what the hell is going on? Probably a bit calmer than that though. Just in case! It doesn't sound too good.

[McobraR]

hey mate,

Is you're birthday near cus maybe she's just talking to ur mate to get a surprise ready for ya!

[boo81]

Mate - I think the best and only thing you can do is talk to her about it first, and then if you aren't satisfied with what she tells you - talk to your mate.

You dont want this to go on any longer mate because you dont want to start resenting her for whatever she may/may not be doing. Only way to be sure is to talk to them about it.

If that doesn't work - you can always get her phone when she isn't looking and replace Larry's number with yours so she thinks she is texting him, but it goes to you. Then you can do the same to him! but that's being just as deceitful as them...

Hope it works out for you mate, and it's nothing suss.

[Geez Louise]

Now Charliewool and Duke both have great ideas...

Love the "Textual" I am so going to use that....and hey! 3 aint always a crowd!

[Charliewool]

Originally Posted by Geez Louise

Now Charliewool and Duke both have great ideas...

Love the "Textual" I am so going to use that....and hey! 3 aint always a crowd!

Absolutely!... As long as the emotional side is kept in check, a great way to while the night away! :

[BlackLS]

The problem is not so much with Larry but your girlfriend. Front up to her, be gentle but solid. I highly doubt it but maybe there is a legitimate reason for all the texting, for example if she is trying to organise a suprise. If she having an affair, you may as well stop wasting your time right there and move on, the longer you leave it the harder it will get. But before you do break up you need to expose both of them.

[Bucket]

Yep...unless you have a birthday soon and she's just planning a surprise do. If thats not the case I'm guessing this is the kind of surprise you don't want but at least you're prepared for it.
My advice: It's time to confront her and/or Larry. You're her boyfriend and at the moment, you have every right to know. Last time I checked, when you're in a relationship ...unless otherwise specified...you two are exclusive which generally means NO BACKSTABBING MATES HAVING JIBS AT YOUR GIRL AND VICE VERSA...whoops...caps got stuck on...
Yea, confront her- and then go bash Larry up (i'm kidding about that bit by the way)
In all honesty though, it's time to sit her down and ask her what-the-hey is going on. It's not fair on you that she does this.
The time to be worried is past, time to face reality and prepare for the worst..
I've been there before (just ask Outbackjack and the other guys here that helped me through my break up a few years ago)
I know it's not what you want to hear but it's all to obvious to me...
I just hope she has a change of heart for your sake.
If not, we're here for you dude :

[jcxr]

Make a movie called KILL LARRY.

[MITCHAY]

I'd kick her to the kerb.

[gtfpv]

i only read your 1st post. mate i'm 38 and have seen a lot .
the answer is obvious.
larry is definately atleast trying to steel her away from you.
let him have her, she is already lying to you about him and her relationship.

end it with both of them . it is dirty play and your being had . p i s s her off and go and smack larry, if he can take it. if not just end the friendship with both of them , and dont waste anymore calories on the matter. you will feel so much better after a few days .
thats my advice . i'm that sure of it ,i'm not reading any others . cheers

good luck.

[Bluepower]

if YOU were flavour of the month, she'd be all over you, not txting him.

when its black, has a bill, and goes "quack" its a duck.

Sorry mate, toughen up, dont be a scared little girl about it, get rid of her, you deserve someone better.

Move on, you sound like a good bloke.

There are other options, been there done that, not worth the medical or legal.

Good luck buddy, ring me on the mobile 0438 351 351 or office 03 9305 3000 if you ever want to chat, you got some honeys up there in your neck of the woods, wont take you long!!

[XR6_661]

Thanks for all your advice guys.

I took some of what duke mentioned and I sent a subtle text to larry saying i saw the text on my girlfriends phone saying the bbq was canceled? why?'

No reply as yet...

My next step is, I'm just gonna confront my girlfriend about it...pretty much just gonna man her up, ask her what is going on and if she is stuffing me around, get lost.

If this was 2 weeks earlier, I'd be inclined to believe it was because they were organising a B-day suprise...but my b-day was on the 10th, so It's a little late for that now isn't it!!

I'll keep everyone updated . Thanks again for your advice everyone.

I thought stuff like this only happened on the OC....apprently not.

[Duke]

Back in the day I wouldn't even think about it, I'd hit Larry with all I could muster.

Now that I'm older and wiser - I'd go to the gym, take out some frustration. Loosen up a bit

.......and then go and snot Lary - Don't want to pull a muscle hitting mongrel.

[Geez Louise]

Originally Posted by Duke

Back in the day I wouldn't even think about it, I'd hit Larry with all I could muster.

Now that I'm older and wiser - I'd go to the gym, take out some frustration. Loosen up a bit

.......and then go and snot Lary - Don't want to pull a muscle hitting mongrel.

Duke...You are the man!!

[montyv8]

I'm going with gtfpv on this one. closely followed by jcxr's suggestion.
he's clearly not that much of a mate, and she's not worth the stress.

[saber]

Like others have said, if you have some sort of birthday coming up soon than that could be the reason for the secrecy. You said that you have been going out for 10 months, maybe she is planning something special for the both of you for the 1 year thing? Just another possibility.

BUt like many who have posted before, I too have been in this situation, and let me tell ya in aint fun :(

Do you know her previous relationship history? In my experience, people who have been "dishonest" to a partner do 1 of 2 things:
1) They never do it again.
2) They do it again, and become better at covering their tracks. Eg no MSN conversation logs, feeding you false info about who they see and who they are texting, very protective of their phones ect.

The MSN message thing is a telltale sign something is up. From what I have found, people who are normaly messaging people dont react when they see you because they have got nothing to hide. On the other hand, people who do have something to hide react quickly, eg they close down the convo, or type a quick message then close it down.

As some have said, you may just have to go out and confront them, and ask what the hell is going on. If there is no birthday coming up soon, this may be the only course of action. Do you know people who work with ya mate "Larry". Maybe it may pay to visit them and ask if they know anything, but you must be discret, and trust the people you are talking to, cause this could blow up in your face if done wrong!!! You could aslo try to do the same thing with the girlfriend, but be very careful!!!

Finally, it she more distant to you? If yes, this is a bad sign. From my experience, this generally means they have got someone else on their mind, and it's not you unfortunately :(

I also found this site, check it out, it may give you some more signs to look out for. Look down the right hand side to find the forum your after.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/index.php

Hope this helps, goodluck mate.

[Full Noise]

In the works of Chopper “HARDEN THE **** UP”.

Throw this girl out on her ear and then teach Larry about what happens to “so called” mates that do this sort of thing.

If Larry is up to something behind your back, he’s not your friend.

Simple as that.

[jlef5]

I would be saying by by, same thing basically happened to me with one of my ex's later found out she was doing the dirty on me. I would go to the mate and if he come's clean you know for sure he is a mate who has made a co ck up a big one, if he doesn't then you know he isn't a mate he is a weak piece of cr ap and say goodbye to him and the missus.

[XR6_661]

Well, I texted larry but no reply yet.

BUT I got a text from my girlfriend saying, "why do you think I get weird when I talk to Larry?"

Completly out of the blue...My guess is, is that larry has said to her something along the lines of 'He is onto us' and she has reacted....

I'll get to the bottom of this yet.

[vandrsxr6]

Keep at it mate, don't stop till someone fessis up.

[Full Noise]

I’d text her back and say that Larry has told me everything, just to see what her reaction is.

[XR6_661]

Well.......

Just had a phone call from a very upset girlfriend...As in sad upset...

She said she was just trying to organise drinks and stuff on the weekend and was organising to get me a gold necklace as a suprise for me...And larry had been asking her about another chick, and what to do cause he likes her....

And the way she was on the phone...I'm pretty sure it's legitimate.

Boy do I feel like an .

[troppo]

Originally Posted by XR6_661

Well.......

Just had a phone call from a very upset girlfriend...As in sad upset...

She said she was just trying to organise drinks and stuff on the weekend and was organising to get me a gold necklace as a suprise for me...And larry had been asking her about another chick, and what to do cause he likes her....

And the way she was on the phone...I'm pretty sure it's legitimate.

Boy do I feel like an .

I'd be asking to read those text messages from Larry then

[5tumpy]

Originally Posted by XR6_661

Well.......

Just had a phone call from a very upset girlfriend...As in sad upset...

She said she was just trying to organise drinks and stuff on the weekend and was organising to get me a gold necklace as a suprise for me...And larry had been asking her about another chick, and what to do cause he likes her....

And the way she was on the phone...I'm pretty sure it's legitimate.

Boy do I feel like an .

Mate, I know you want to believe her, but that sounds like total BS to me!

I went through a similar thing early in the relationship with my wife, we were both 18, she was a bit naive, and my "best mate" had it in for me because he thought I had a hand in breaking his last gf and him up (She was a very good friend of mine before they started dating, I introduced them, then the guy went all funny on her, started pushing her away, I spent a lot of time talking to her, trying to convince her to sit it out with him, as he had other stuff going on in his life at that time, he thought I was trying to convince her to dump him and go out with me). Anyway, so the guy lavishes attention on my missus, they sneak around behind my back doing stuff that were date-type situations (movies etc...) without me knowing... I ended up catching them purely by chance, rocked up unannounced at her place one night to find him having dinner with her family after telling me he'd met a girl and was taking her out... Long story short, he got hospitalised, I very nearly went to jail (luckily his parents liked me and saw it for the dog-act that it was and talked him out of pressing charges). I gave my missus an ultimatum, me or him, and it turned out she had no feelings for him whatsoever, she just liked the attention... So she chose me... It took nearly a year for her to gain my trust again, and I am the first to admit I still get paranoid at times, but the bottom line was, she could have had him, and she chose me.

So my advise is simple... Sit her down, talk to her, tell her that it's gotten to the stage where you can't take the BS anymore, she needs to make a decision, if there's nothing there, it'll be an easy one, if there is something there, she'll need time to think... If she needs time to think, then so do you! Decide whether you can trust her again, as obviously she was at least having feelings for another bloke, because if she didn't, she'd kick him to curb straight away... Decide if she's worth it, if she is and you think you can trust her again, and she comes back to you, take her back... If you decide she's not worth it or you can't trust her, get some of your own back, and don't tell her that until she makes her decision, if she chooses Larry, you know you made the right choice, if she chooses you, and you've decided to get rid of her, you've got the added satisfaction of telling Larry that she begged to stay with you, as well as dumping the "female dog".

One thing I will say for you though, that I don't think you have a choice on, is DO NOT use violence, you do stupid thing when you're angry, I took to my ex-friend with a baseball bat and got myself arrested for GBH, I tell you mate, I've never been as scared in my whole life, for 5 mins rage I nearly went away for 5 years... It wouldn't have been worth it!

Either way, no matter what your history with Larry, him off, you don't need mates who sneak around with your girlfriends, people like him are nothing but trouble!