cuplaphunnies

[deesun]

An elderly man lay dying in his bed.
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with an even greater effort he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in Heaven, for here, spread out on waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite scones…

Was it Heaven?

Or was it one final act of devoted love from his beloved wife of sixty years, making sure he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one final effort he threw himself towards the table. Landing on his knees in a crumpled posture, his parched lips parted, he could almost taste the scones before they were in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

His aged and withered hand reached it's way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table........when…

Whack...a spatula hit him on the back of his hand.

'**** off!'...shouted his wife.

'They're for the funeral.' :jab:



A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma." :



A guy goes into confession and says to the priest,

"Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them...twice."

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never, Father; I'm Jewish."

"So why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody....." Jsmilie:



The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal". The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. "Okay, boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?"

"I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy.

"Very good, Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?"

"That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy.

"Right, again. And what about this animal?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

Silence fell over the class. After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint, children...it's something you're mother calls your father".

"I know, I know," screamed Eddie. It's a horny bastard!" :

[LuvinmyEB]

All classics!