thursday funny

[HavocXR8]

got sent these jokes the other day

one day there was a women pregnant with triplets walking down the street passed the bank,
when a masked robber ran out of the bank and shot the women in the stomach 3 times,
fortunatly the babies where ok but the doctor couldn't operate because it was too risky. the lady ended up giving birth to 2 healthy girls and a healthy boy.
16 years later 1 of the girls came into thr room crying, "whats wrong" asked the mother, "well i was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out" replied the girl. the mother explained what happend 16 years ago.
then next week the other daughter came into the room with the same problem the mother explained what happened.
a week later the son came into the room in tears and the mother said "it's okay i know what happened while you were taking a tinkle." the boys said no " i was playing with myself and i shot the dog"


and i know it might be a bit soon for this 1

Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates
St Peter opens them and says ' Oh it's you Luciano, come on in. Squeeze through'.
Pavarotti says ' Hold on, I 've got an envelope for you, from the Pope.'
St Peter opens it up and reads it.
'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

[Fantome]

2 TOUGH QUESTIONS:

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who
were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?





Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.





Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?


Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a
day.


Candidate B.

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every
evening.


Candidate C

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an
occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.





Which of these candidates would be our choice?





Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

























Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.








And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.


Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.


Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading..









Never be afraid to try something
new.



Remember:

Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic









And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...





Can you guess which organization this is?













Give up
yet?











It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to
keep the rest of us in line.

[Mongoose]

Fantone, what the hell was the point of that long *** post?

[irlewy86]

Very Important Public Safety Message

I know this scam, I've even fallen for it.
Please pass this on to warn unsuspecting victims.

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sex with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.


Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book

[XCSEDAN]

Originally Posted by Mongoose

Fantone, what the hell was the point of that long *** post?

i dunno, but i liked it!
good read mate!
these are hilarious!

[Fantome]

Originally Posted by Mongoose

Fantone, what the hell was the point of that long *** post?

Sorry mate. I posted it here with the same formatting as I recieved it.

[Van D]

Originally Posted by XCSEDAN

i dunno, but i liked it!
good read mate!
these are hilarious!

Me too, was interesting.

Fantome, is there any facts behind the congress one? Or are they just pulled from the air?

[Fantome]

I have no idea. It was an email that I recieved the other day and I thought you guys might appreciate it. Must be some way to find out. Let me know if you have any ideas on where to go to get this sort of info.