Joke of the day!

[Gunns]

Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, Jake, maintaining a steady
vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran
silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her
slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling Jake," she whispered.

"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."

But she was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to
talk. I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake. "It's all right.
Everything's all right, go to sleep now."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I'm the one who backed into your
Ford!"

Jake mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky,
don't torment yourself. I know all about it," he said. "Why do you think
I poisoned you?"

[mik]

nice one gunns

[gozza]

yep good one

[Feathers]

This is just a rewording of the same joke that was posted here a few weeks back.

[superpursuit83]

True Story...............

I don't understand. After my last child was born, my wife told me we
had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not
a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed one day when she came home from
grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup.

I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up
anything!" She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty
for you." I told her, "ИИИИИ off, that's what the beer was for!"

[big_pete]

hahaha both gold


_____________________________________________

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

[superpursuit83]

Is it possible to sticky the jokes, brightens the day.

[Mack 6]

Bill met Sharon in a nightclub.



They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the
evening

Sharon invited Bill to her place, where they quickly got involved in a

very passionate and energetic session in bed together.



Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and
snuggled up close to each other.



After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Bill's manhood.

Surprised but appreciative, Bill comments, "Surely you can't be ready
for more already?"



Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and

miss the days when I had mine"

[347_XR8]

Gold!!!!!

[henry 351]

The Law of the Jungle

Mikey the monkey is way up a tree in the top of the rainforest canopy.

Gerry the Giraffe says to Mikey "hey Mikey, what are you doing?"

Mikey the monkey replies "just surveying all of my kingdom, it stretches as far as the eye can see"

"Whatever" says Gerry the Giraffe and walks off.

Herbert the Hyena also spies Mikey the monkey way up the top of his tree.

"Oi, Mikey boy, what are you doing?" askes Herbert the Hyena.

Mikey the monkey replies "just surveying all of my kingdom, it stretches as far as the eye can see"

"That'll be the day" repies Herbert the Hyena and walk off.

Larry the lion passes a little later in the day, and also spies Mikey the monkey up his tree.

"Hey Mikey, what are you doing up there?" asks Larry the lion.

Mikey the monkey looks down on Larry the lion and replies "just Bullshi**ing Larry"

[neb]

A military officer is sent to a remote outpost in the Himalayas.
After settling in he arranges the Sergeant to give him a tour of the camp so he can become familiar with the post and the duties.
The tour goes well until the officer turns a corner and finds a moth eaten , tired and diseased donkey tied to a post at the back of the garage.

Dismayed the Officer demands an explanation.

“Ahh yes…says the Sergeant… Well sir it’s like this. You see sir the nearest town with any women is hours away and well sir some of the lads have urges that need to be satisfied so we have the donkey”

The Officer says he understands and the matter goes no further until some weeks later when the Officer , separated from wife and family , begins to feel ‘the urges” himself.

Ducking behind the garage the Officer grabs the surprised donkey and with trousers down begins to have his way with the poor animal.
Alerted by the braying donkey and the repeated grunts coming from the back of the garage the Sergeant goes to investigate.

“Well Sergeant is that how the lads do it?” asks the Officer zipping up his trousers

“Ah no sir , not quite sir.
The lads well they just ride the donkey to the town where the women are”.