Engagement present etiquette

**Giant Cranium** · 08-09-2011, 03:57 PM

i have a problem

my best mates engagement party is next week but i dont know what to do present wise.

i think i should get him nothing as for the last 6 weeks i have been going to his place 3 nights a week and every saturday painting, replacing all lights and switches, repairing doors and changing over bits and pieces in the bathroom. now every thing ive done is for free and i have also tracked down all the parts through my contacts at very very good prices. parts alone ive saved him $1000 and my time would have cost at least $4000.

one problem with it all is his a mechanic and was supposed to service my sisters car for free but i have found out he charged her for it.

he is having a wishing well so do i give him $200?

or nothing.

half the people i talk to say i should half say no.

im also in the bridal party so that adds to the delema

flappist · 08-09-2011, 04:11 PM

Do not be petty and don't link the two events.

Cause grief at his wedding or use it to make a point and you risk making life long enemies of his wife, her family, her friends and probably him.

trippytaka · 08-09-2011, 04:12 PM

He is your mate. Are you painting his place for his engagement present? Or are you using the painting as a way to get out of the present?

My theory is that you stuill make the gesture. The painting would have been a favour that mates do.

**Giant Cranium** · 08-09-2011, 04:15 PM

fair enough. just there is always two ways to look at it and i didnt want to get it wrong. but it would be better for him to back out now but its not my place

trippytaka · 08-09-2011, 04:16 PM

Of course, and to be honest, I think he woul dprobably be happy with a card that says the painting was his present. after all you saved him thousands on a professional

fmc351 · 08-09-2011, 04:32 PM

What did he charge your sister for, parts or labour? If it was parts I can understand that, but if it was labour given what youre doing for him, then he aint no mate.

Theres mates, and then theres fair weather friends.

**FTE217** · 08-09-2011, 04:55 PM

I'm nearly on fmc351 comment but.......did your mate say he would service her car for free ? did that mean cover parts and all ? was it a expensive service ?

Then again being a house owner and having done lots of jobs myself due to quotes being high you sure are saving he a bomb imo.
Heck I'm painting my house after seeing a $14k quote, half that its still plenty of work and savings you doing it for him + electrical.
TBH even if your sisters car costed $500 he's taking advantage - yep card with best wish's for the future my contribution is Xamount of the work I have done for the happy couple.

**Giant Cranium** · 08-09-2011, 04:56 PM

he charged her for everything.

he is a great mate but i think there is to much of his lady in his ear.
if i wanted him to he would cut of a nut

I reckon · 08-09-2011, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain awesome

i have a problem

my best mates engagement party is next week but i dont know what to do present wise.

i think i should get him nothing as for the last 6 weeks i have been going to his place 3 nights a week and every saturday painting, replacing all lights and switches, repairing doors and changing over bits and pieces in the bathroom. now every thing ive done is for free and i have also tracked down all the parts through my contacts at very very good prices. parts alone ive saved him $1000 and my time would have cost at least $4000.

one problem with it all is his a mechanic and was supposed to service my sisters car for free but i have found out he charged her for it.

he is having a wishing well so do i give him $200?

or nothing.

half the people i talk to say i should half say no.

im also in the bridal party so that adds to the delema

200 bucks!! stuff that isnt that why its called a wishing well. lol

give him 20

pottery beige · 08-09-2011, 05:05 PM

hit on all the dodgy bridesmaids and drunk auntys at the wedding... if you can nail one all shall be forgiven.....

**Giant Cranium** · 08-09-2011, 05:06 PM

did i mention his mum aint to bad?

pottery beige · 08-09-2011, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain awesome

did i mention his mum aint to bad?

bingo......

XR6_661 · 08-09-2011, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pottery beige

hit on all the dodgy bridesmaids and drunk auntys at the wedding... if you can nail one all shall be forgiven.....

Hahaha

Russ · 08-09-2011, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain awesome

did i mention his mum aint to bad?

So what's the worst thing that can happen if you hit on his Mum ?
You'll be up for 3 cases of Tooheys New

As far as a gift is concerned, buy him a set of ear plugs, trust me he'll appreciate them

Geez Louise · 08-09-2011, 05:18 PM

Stick a card in saying...Mate, I wish you well!

Just give him some cash...that's what mates do!

XR6_661 · 08-09-2011, 05:19 PM

HAHAHA

I'm gonna watch wedding crashers tonight!

Geez Louise · 08-09-2011, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Russ

So what's the worst thing that can happen if you hit on his Mum ?
You'll be up for 3 cases of Tooheys New

Brute 33 · 08-09-2011, 05:22 PM

I think you need to front him about the work done for him so far and then ask why he has charged your sister X amount of dollars for the service otherwise it's going to eat you up inside.....the feeling of being taken advantage of.....if he is a good mate then he will see your side of the story but the GF should not be around when you speak with him about this matter......

just my 2 cents worth.

Geez Louise · 08-09-2011, 05:29 PM

If you are in his wedding party, you are obviously good mates. Just be upfront with him. If he is a real mate (and as you ARE in his wedding party I guess he is), you will be able to talk it through.

SEZ213 · 08-09-2011, 05:33 PM

I'm with Brute and Col...have a chat with him, it seems from your OP that you might be a little 'peeved' about it...

Ibrox90 · 08-09-2011, 05:40 PM

Depends how good a mate, if hes not that good a mate and this happens regularly cut him loose,

If hes a good mate and this happens regularly tell him hes a moocher (aka sponge) and get over it and move on

If hes a good mate and it was a one off then give him a pressie and forget about it

Anxiously awaiting pottery_beige's reply

**cs123** · 08-09-2011, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain awesome

did i mention his mum aint to bad?

Stacey's Mom?

Tonz · 08-09-2011, 07:34 PM

Bulk pack of condoms always goes down (sic) well

Streets · 08-09-2011, 07:51 PM

You have to give people presents just for getting engaged now? **** that. It's just an engagement. Then you gotta get them a wedding present. Then you gotta get them something for the baby shower. Pfft.

pottery beige · 08-09-2011, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Streets

You have to give people presents just for getting engaged now? **** that. It's just an engagement. Then you gotta get them a wedding present. Then you gotta get them something for the baby shower. Pfft.

youre the kind that moans about buying a present... then rocks up and tries their best to sink $600 worth of booze ey??...

jaydee · 08-09-2011, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain awesome

i have a problem

my best mates engagement party is next week but i dont know what to do present wise.

i think i should get him nothing as for the last 6 weeks i have been going to his place 3 nights a week and every saturday painting, replacing all lights and switches, repairing doors and changing over bits and pieces in the bathroom. now every thing ive done is for free and i have also tracked down all the parts through my contacts at very very good prices. parts alone ive saved him $1000 and my time would have cost at least $4000.

one problem with it all is his a mechanic and was supposed to service my sisters car for free but i have found out he charged her for it.

he is having a wishing well so do i give him $200?

or nothing.

half the people i talk to say i should half say no.

im also in the bridal party so that adds to the delema

Give him a bill for all the work and stamp it "PAID IN FULL".

You will def have to get a wedding present though.

**Giant Cranium** · 08-09-2011, 08:38 PM

so ive decided to give him $100 just so there are no fights.

and i will def be giving him a wedding present and the best bucks present ever (a spare dancer)

one thing i did forget to mention is when he offered to fire up the barbie she lost it at him infront of me for offering food all the time. dont mind me helping you out.

good luck to him with that one

Brent · 08-09-2011, 08:46 PM

You've done the right thing getting him something. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valour. There will be plenty of opportunities in life to make a point to somebody about something that's on your goat........a wedding or anything related to same isn't one of them. As others have said, if you feel strongly enough about it, talk to your mate at a different time, in a different situation. Just takes all the emotion and heat out of it.

iCat · 08-09-2011, 09:11 PM

for each event put in whatever it costs them for your attendance at that event.

Russ · 08-09-2011, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain awesome

so ive decided to give him $100 just so there are no fights.

and i will def be giving him a wedding present and the best bucks present ever (a spare dancer)

one thing i did forget to mention is when he offered to fire up the barbie she lost it at him infront of me for offering food all the time. dont mind me helping you out.

good luck to him with that one

It's easy to see who's wearing the pants in their relationship

View Poll Results: what should i do
give him nothing	25	54.35%
give him money for the wishing well	12	26.09%
give him a card stating we are even	9	19.57%
Voters: 46. You may not vote on this poll