Why am I married? (funnies)

[Charliewool]

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a ИИИИtail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his
wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.

AND NOW FOR THE FAVOURITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me
crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus .. so shut up."

[347_XR8]

GOLD!!!! Classic, what else can i say. Made me have a chuckle

[Charliewool]

And the Three little pigs..

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.


"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table

and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"
but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says -




"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!" :

[rodderz]

Damn you Charlie!!

I have all these points to look foreward to next year!

[Charliewool]

Originally Posted by rodderz

Damn you Charlie!!

I have all these points to look foreward to next year!

Rod.. Hopefully , soon I WON'T have ..

[rodderz]

haha.... parole is up?

[awsome4.0]

thats great lol

[XAGSV8]

Originally Posted by rodderz

Damn you Charlie!!

I have all these points to look foreward to next year!

So do I, but in 5 weeks.

[rodderz]

Originally Posted by GSWXA

So do I, but in 5 weeks.

Mine next June, in your home town! Let me know if there are some fine Fords up there to use as wedding cars!

[Redrum]

Tis a life sentence alright..............

[XAGSV8]

Originally Posted by rodderz

Mine next June, in your home town! Let me know if there are some fine Fords up there to use as wedding cars!

You would be surprised at the quality of some of our cars up here.

[rodderz]

There are some great cars up there, been there quite a bit, one day there was some sort of show n shine near the northside shopping centre, old stangs and chevs...only need the contacts to ask the owners if they would be interested

[XAGSV8]

http://www.allclassicmotorclubcq.org.au/

Here is a good start. A lot of the classic style cars are in this club with plenty of different brands and models in it. There are a few people on this forum in the club (XYGTHO and myself is all I can remember at the moment). Don't know how many hire their cars out to be honest with you but no harm in asking. They are good people and are normally happy to give you all the details you require. If you need any info on good places to hold your wedding/reception just let me know as I have been dragged around everywhere by the better half to get the best possible wedding. We even have a stringed quartet.

The above website is very old but the club has well over 150 members with more then one car per owner. Sorry Charlie for stealing your thread.

[rodderz]

Thanks mate

I'll be in touch closer to the date!

[Charliewool]

Originally Posted by rodderz

haha.... parole is up?

Certainly is mate!... The saying goes.. "On average, you only get 14 yrs for murder"!!.... Well I've done TWO consecutive sentences! And am now paroling myself to find out what life is like on the outside!

[MNM96]

Before marrying, I would try to talk guys out of getting hitched. Now, However, if I have to suffer, everyone can! : :