Holiday Rules To Live By............

csv8 · 22-12-2006, 12:28 PM

Rules I want to live by...

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner!

Have a great holiday season!

4.9 EF Futura · 22-12-2006, 12:32 PM

Hahaha, brilliant!!!

Jason[98.EL] · 22-12-2006, 01:34 PM

not bad not bad at all

i like a good read like that

jason

bEAn86 · 22-12-2006, 01:41 PM

good one, when i saw the title i thought it was going to be some BS Lecture about driving safe.

xwgasaxe · 22-12-2006, 01:44 PM

That was pure prose, Written with the spirit of a true xmas champion.

MrSparkle · 22-12-2006, 06:06 PM

I concur with each and every point! Especially the fourth!

Sledgehammer · 22-12-2006, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSparkle

I concur with each and every point! Especially the fourth!

Im with you Sparkles, you can only use cream in mash...... none of that watered down stuff.

GK · 22-12-2006, 06:20 PM

Why use milk when making mashed potatoes anyway!

I just use margerine or butter! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

GK

Kenaz · 22-12-2006, 10:14 PM

I concur with most points, but I have to ask. What is Eggnog?

Powdered Toast Man · 23-12-2006, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenaz

I concur with most points, but I have to ask. What is Eggnog?

Its an egg based milk drink with brandy in it. I think its an American thing.

I definately agree with number 3. I like to have dinner with my gravy.

Van D · 23-12-2006, 02:57 AM

Eggnog is milk, sugar and egg I think (if you buy it from supermarkets), and then it's meant to have brandy in it for proper stuff (or you can just ad it).