EARTHQUAKE ROCKS FRANKSTON (Vic)

[LTDHO]

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre in Frankston

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering, "F**kin ell"and "Whadda Bastard". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Commodore Appreciation* Society and the Frankston Progress Hall were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheques arrived.

Frankston Radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the area.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a* F**ken shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my* bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm
slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer the next morning".


Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 1000 cartons of Horizon Virginias to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still* searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, flannelette shirts, jewellery* from Priceline and bone china from* the $2 Shop.

[ned]

Sounds just like where I live here in Corio! LOL. Now call me stupid, but I don't understand what message you're trying to get across...

[PULLY6]

hahah yeah we know. frankston sucks.

well written satirical piece though :P

[Kryton]

consider that this one was posted only a month ago.

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale, has hit Australia in
the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre believed to be the Perth
suburb of Balga.


Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering, "F'kin ell" and
"Whadda carnt". The earthquake has completely decimated the area, leaving a
damage bill expected to exceed more than $3000.


Several priceless collections, including mementos from the Torana
Appreciation Society and the Welshpool Progress Hall, were destroyed in the
quake.


Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their welfare cheques arrived.


Perth radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in the area.


One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later in the
morning".


The people of Balga are a resilient community and evidence of a full
recovery can already been seen, with looting, muggings and car crime
carrying on as normal.


The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red Cross has so
far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Vegemite to the area to help the
stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and
have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include Centrelink
booklets, AC/DC T-shirts, Priceline jewellery and fine bone china from
Copperart.


The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be air-dropped
as parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster.

Donations of clothing are in demand. Items most needed include baseball
caps;

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers); flannelette shirts (female); white
sport socks; sturdy boots; and any other items usually sold in Crazy Clarks.


Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include, Hot Dogs, yiros, McDonalds, KFC, ice cream and
cans of Woodstock Bourbon and Coke; and Emu Bitter.


Charities are also accepting cash donations through any Liquorland outlet.

$0.25 buys a ball point pen for filling in compensation forms; $5.00 buys
chips, sausages, Farmer¹s Union Iced Coffee and Coca Cola for a family of
nine; $10.00 will buy a packet of Winfield Blues 25s and a lighter to calm
the nerves of those affected.


Aid agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the affected suburb,
as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the neighbouring
areas.

[jonbays]

When I lived in Frankston we used to hang this sort of shit on the people from the "Pines"

Noice place to live still eh.

As a Frankstonite, I take exception to the underlying tone of this particular thread. besides we all know the really feral families reside in Karingal - at least half a kilometre away!

[MickyB]

When I am walking around Frankston town centre, I wish for that earthquake, but I guess as a Frankstonite I should object to what you posted, although it makes so much sense. I am waiting to hear a mum call out for 'Eponee-Rae'.

[EFFalcon]

Hahahahaha!
GO FRANKSTON!

chelsea aint much better ;)

[BA_Turbs]

Originally Posted by davway

consider that this one was posted only a month ago.

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale, has hit Australia in
the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre believed to be the Perth
suburb of Balga.


...................


One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later in the
morning".

Wow! What a co-incidence, that there are two 15 year old mother's with the same name, and kids with the same name, live at different ends of the country!

:nutsycuck

Besides, I've lived, grown up in and worked my entire life in Frankston. Its not that bad is it?

[EFFalcon]

Frankstons better now then it was... but its still crap.

Frankston - the speed hump capital of Australia!
What is it with Frankston City Council and bloody speed humps - try driving down Ashleigh Ave, there's one every 20 feet! This is why I don't pay my rates!

[MickyB]

Try living on Rosedale Grove, with those bloody chicanes, they are nice drifting practice but they soon lose their gloss after the first year or so of driving! And my car bottoms out on Ashleigh Ave unless I go about 5km/hr, so I pretty much refuse to travel out there now.

[LTDHO]

Originally Posted by EFFalcon

Hahahahaha!
GO FRANKSTON!

chelsea aint much better ;)

Get stuffed!!

[jonbays]

Come on Frankston is fair game.

I can still remember the night they actually read the riot act there.

Yes its True they did!

1980 or something it was.